So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
