Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
