I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
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Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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