Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize