I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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