i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
