xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
