Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
