it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
