whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
