You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
