I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND