he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.