If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude