I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?