I cannot find my penis.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
