I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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