forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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