I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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