Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
