I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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