My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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