These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
