Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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