I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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