felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
