Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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