so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
