Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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