if i can run in heels then i can drive
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
