Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
