I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
