He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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