Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
