my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
