CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
