then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
