Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
tell me about the eggs
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
