I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
