Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I AM VODKA MAN
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it