I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?