I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.