I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
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Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.