I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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