Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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