My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
