I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
