Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
