I'm sorry my penis didn't work
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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