Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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