Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
