this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
