So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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