Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
