I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
