Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
