i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
