when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
