ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
