ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
