he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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