if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
