That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
