I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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