I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
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I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize