I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
