i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
