after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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